Lighting the Way

I spent the past two years burning down the proverbial house. Searching, needing, wanting, but not knowing for what, I blazed. I lit my way by the bridges and rivers I burned. Until there was nothing. When I reflect back it is a little bit amazing and staggering in its completeness. 

In 2016 my relationship was strained, my dog got sick, I hated my job, and the Clinton-Trump debates were going strong. Flash forward, the relationship ended, my dog survived, Trump was elected and much of what I felt secure in was gone. Flash forward, I quit my job, pulled my retirement, drained my savings, and took a chance with a small business running their social media and organizing retreats. And in the end this is not something that worked out. I spent the past year moving closer and closer to economic failure until the morning I woke up with nothing. In the midst of all this there was a relationship that was not what I thought it was and I found myself in a Balinese slum being ghosted in a two-bedroom shack, which is a different story for a different time. On a side note: you had rats not mice and I hope that spider that was the size of my fist crawled across your face while you slept. Dick.

Now I find myself sifting through the ashes. There is something to be said about being at the bottom. It's stressful but it is also a blank slate, and I find myself vacillating between wild creativity and lying in bed. This is something I'm ok with because I have learned a lot in these past two years. I'll leave you with a couple pro tips: 1. hope is not a strategy, 2. if you are thinking of a massive life change logic > emotion.

Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential.
— J.K. Rowling
Jess Young